Aly & Lyss: Advice Column and Blog

mood: bouncy

Text by Lyss: normal;
Text by Aly: in italics


.

We all are dominated by our needs and desires. We do things only because we want to, and when we do something we don’t want to do, it means we’re under the false impression that there is no other choice.

We all have our habits, and if doing things that other people want us to do is one of them, we’re in a serious trouble. It’s hard to break them though, because all the habits seem to keep us grounded. We do what we’re used to, and that can create the unfortunate illusion of security.

But how can something we do over and over again keep us safe, and most importantly, safe from what? Doing something we always wanted but didn’t dare to do? Risking too much when the chance is too little? But isn’t it what life is about?

It seems like whenever we want to try something risky, we hear that tiny little voice that reminds us of possibility of being kicked in the balls (mind you, I don’t have balls, but still), and then we start second guessing if it’ll actually be worth it. Wouldn’t life just be sweet if we were just a little bit fearless? Short, but sweet.

Like butterflies who live only a day, hot-headed sort of people would never understand safe-siders, who spend thousands of dollars on insurance, yet never dare to go snowboarding for the fear of breaking their well insured arms and legs.

No matter how strong I believe that there are things worth risking for, things everyone must try at least once in a lifetime, there’s something that often holds me back from doing them, and makes me put my risky wishes aside for another day, which seldom ever comes.

No matter how often things in the real world scare the crap out of me, I’d still rather go out there and give it my all, instead of waiting till it’s safe to try. Same as no matter how real my fear of heights is, it’s still one of my very big and very real dreams to go and try myself in piloting. Facing the fear is something that we often either try to avoid or get done and over with. Taking control of it, on the other hand, is something worth having it in the first place.

Some of us would rather be safe and sound, though. Maybe this path is more suitable for a particular sort of people. Maybe it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Or maybe all we will be sorry about in the future is that, by guarding ourselves so strongly against all we’ve been afraid of, we’d missed out on all the fun that makes this life a crazy hot experience. Who knows?

We only have one life that we’ll remember. What we make of it is the reflection of our human nature: mind, body, and soul. You either follow your mind or your heart; listen to the call of your body or your soul. Whatever you choose, you’ll know if you made a right decision or not when it’s either too late or just in time. All that’s left to do is hope that we’ll do it in time.

Or instead of hoping we could just stop, take a good look around, and make a right decision now. Of course, we won’t know that it was right until it’s time to feel sorry about it…

Or grateful.

Who knows?

Aly & Lyss

"I'm starting to feel very self concious around people now. I'm starting to think that everyone is thinking I'm ugly, and I get really nervous around people now. Before I wasn't so self concious and I dont know why I'm like this. Last year I just changed and I dont know how. Is this just a phase?"


Okay, I don't know if it's just a phase, identity crisis, or a part of your personal growth, but here is a couple of important things you need to remember if you feel that way.

First of all, you are NOT ugly! I don't care how you look, but don't ever think that way about yourself, or you will attract more of these thoughts and feelings, which can be quite destructive. The second important thing is that everyone is too concerned about themselves to notice others' flaws, and, as a self-conscious person, you probably know it very well. Right now it may seem to you that the looks are very important, but it is not completely true.

Take for example some not very attractive, but pretty famous actor, who has a lot of different roles s/he plays very well. He or she may have a role of a loser, someone really boring or mean, and you really hate seeing that actor on the screen.

But then you see that person playing a totally different role in a great TV show that you like, where he or she is very witty, funny, strong, and charismatic. Now, when you see that person, you notice that you associate totally different, positive feelings and emotions with him/her, because the character you fell in love with made you see the actor in a totally different light.

It's pretty much the same in the real life. If you feel unpretty, insecure and scared in communication with people, they're going to sense it, because your behavior, your walk, the expression on your face, and the look in your eyes just wouldn't let you hide your insecurity.

But (!!!) the good thing is that you can change the role that you play in front of others. In any way, you are not sharing with others everything you have in you. There are some parts you want to hide, or show only to the ones you trust the most. But there are also the parts of your nature that you want to discover, explore, and show to everyone.

Maybe it's your wisdom, or courage, or something else that makes you special in your own eyes, but, in any case, you should learn to be proud of who you are. Allow your looks support your personality, but don't let them become more important than who you really are. Learn to feel self-confident and strong, whether you're alone or with someone. Choose who you want to be, and be it.


Lyss.

Ask us a question  at Two City Girls  advice column.

Ask us a question at Two City Girls advice column.

Aly.

Ask us a question at Two City Girls advice column.

mood: weird

Today, while my cat, pretending to be all cute and cuddly, was licking his butt in a dangerous closeness to my pancakes settled on the couch, I was seriously reconsidering the choices I have in life.

Recently I’ve been spending my days as uselessly as physically and mentally possible: getting up at 4 p.m; watching TV and staring at the computer screen a good bigger part of the day; doing all but being useful to myself or respectable society. Life just seems incredibly… empty these days.
Frozen, even.

What the hell happened to my Karma wheel? Is it stuck or something? Would it start moving if I, for example, got a job? “But I’m so laaazy!” my inner voice screams (that just almost makes me blush). And I’ve got no idea what to make of a career choice anyway. Sometimes I feel that all I’m good at is making naughty adult scenarios for the role play games I sometimes play in my mind. I’m not even talking movies here (special effects cost money, babe).

This just reminded me of another point in Karma Wheel stuckage… What’s up with that no handsomes, no sex life thing? Are my own private karma script writers on strike, or something? Great! So it was a global thing, huh? That’s so bloody dramatic…


Aly.

Summer, 2007

"I woke up in a dark hotel, feeling totally bereft and alone. It was strange, knowing that it’s already morning, yet seeing no sunlight coming from the windows. Must have something to do with the wall window was facing. Which instantly reminded me of all the things I had to face. Alone. Without anyone being there to support me. Damn, there are mornings when you really don’t feel like getting out of, albeit lonely, bed.

You ever noticed how our mood can be dictated by the perception we have at the moment? You feel cheery – everything seems bright and pretty; you feel despair – everything is painted black. Lack of hope can really take away all that is nice and joyful out of sight, and hide it somewhere you can’t reach unless you make some inner change. 

I got out of bed, and went to grab a shower before going to breakfast. Going to breakfast meant facing people; facing people meant plastering on a smile, and that needed some rehearsal. I sighed. I knew I’d do it anyway." 

Aly… or Lyss?

Lyss, year 2007

When I went to Malta for studying, I had to live in a host family. Once, my "host-mummy" was really angry about something, and decided to take it out on me, by chastising me like a school girl for locking the door to my own bedroom. She totally ruined my mood starting from breakfast, and yelled at me in front of the other girls. Ridiculously, I even tried to pacify her (uh, couldn't I just move instead, or something?!), but it was no use; that day, her wrath was pointed toward the naughty little me.

"Bad Lassy, bad!           

PMS be damned, I cried in my room for like 10 minutes. Lol, moron. 

Aly, year 1998     

In my early teen years, there was that guy I had a crush on, and in the summer we hung out together a lot. Well, once, on a summer day, of that very summer, we were joking and fooling around in my room. It was, like, pillow fighting, toys throwing, ridiculous sort of thing. Anyways, suddenly, he decided to grab me and turn me upside down by holding me by my legs. (For some reason, he did it often at the time.)

Anyways, it was rather inconvenient, so, to help myself up a little, I decided to grab his arm. Well, I mean I thought it was an arm. I swear to God, by the feel of its width, it truly felt like a real, honest-to-god arm. Then I looked up and saw what I was actually holding at the moment. It really. Really. Was not. An arm.

You want some advice boys? If you don't want your "junior" to be available to others, including the information about its state of peacefulness (or restlessness, for that matter), don't wear thin sports pants around people who might accidentally test the power of the boundaries of these very pants. Anyways, I think I gave my crush one of the first hottest moments of his newly pubartized (hmm… it's like baptized) life. He'd quickly put me down and ran out of the room though. I still wonder, where he went?..

Aly & Lyss

"I am 25 years old and i want to know if my husband raped my sister or someelse."

"Awright, 16/f. Three of my friends and I are starting a band (ska/punk, if it matters), and we've got some huge plans for this. It's a common dream. Music brought us all together and all that stuff. Well, the only problems is that all of these friends are boys who are 19 or older and my mom either doesn't like them or hasn't met them. They're good guys and I know I'm completely safe around them, but I know that my mom wouldn't approve of them because they're punks. It's gotten to the point where I had to lie to be able to hang out with them, telling mom that i had different plans.

How can we make this band work if my mom decides she doesn't want me hanging out with the guys? Or how to I make it so she can meet them and approve without them having to change their tastes? PLease help!

Thanks,

-JJ Girl"

Lyss.