Aly & Lyss: Advice Column and Blog

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2008-03-25T09:56:35Z

Semi Charmed kind of life... Or not?

2008-03-15T10:32:33Z

Text by Lyss: normal;
Text by Aly: in italics


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We all are dominated by our needs and desires. We do things only because we want to, and when we do something we don’t want to do, it means we’re under the false impression that there is no other choice.

We all have our habits, and if doing things that other people want us to do is one of them, we’re in a serious trouble. It’s hard to break them though, because all the habits seem to keep us grounded. We do what we’re used to, and that can create the unfortunate illusion of security.

But how can something we do over and over again keep us safe, and most importantly, safe from what? Doing something we always wanted but didn’t dare to do? Risking too much when the chance is too little? But isn’t it what life is about?

It seems like whenever we want to try something risky, we hear that tiny little voice that reminds us of possibility of being kicked in the balls (mind you, I don’t have balls, but still), and then we start second guessing if it’ll actually be worth it. Wouldn’t life just be sweet if we were just a little bit fearless? Short, but sweet.

Like butterflies who live only a day, hot-headed sort of people would never understand safe-siders, who spend thousands of dollars on insurance, yet never dare to go snowboarding for the fear of breaking their well insured arms and legs.

No matter how strong I believe that there are things worth risking for, things everyone must try at least once in a lifetime, there’s something that often holds me back from doing them, and makes me put my risky wishes aside for another day, which seldom ever comes.

No matter how often things in the real world scare the crap out of me, I’d still rather go out there and give it my all, instead of waiting till it’s safe to try. Same as no matter how real my fear of heights is, it’s still one of my very big and very real dreams to go and try myself in piloting. Facing the fear is something that we often either try to avoid or get done and over with. Taking control of it, on the other hand, is something worth having it in the first place.

Some of us would rather be safe and sound, though. Maybe this path is more suitable for a particular sort of people. Maybe it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Or maybe all we will be sorry about in the future is that, by guarding ourselves so strongly against all we’ve been afraid of, we’d missed out on all the fun that makes this life a crazy hot experience. Who knows?

We only have one life that we’ll remember. What we make of it is the reflection of our human nature: mind, body, and soul. You either follow your mind or your heart; listen to the call of your body or your soul. Whatever you choose, you’ll know if you made a right decision or not when it’s either too late or just in time. All that’s left to do is hope that we’ll do it in time.

Or instead of hoping we could just stop, take a good look around, and make a right decision now. Of course, we won’t know that it was right until it’s time to feel sorry about it…

Or grateful.

Who knows?

Aly & Lyss

Guess you're still too young, kiddo!

2008-03-09T23:48:54Z

My application to join the Answers_on_Sex community had just been declined. Well hell, who will answer all my sex questions now?

Aly.

Out of the diary: On the plane

2008-03-02T18:18:41Z

Feb. 29, 2008

I am finally in a plane, and it’s about to take off. In case you’re wondering where I’m heading, it’s a small island near Italy, so all you have to do is guess the name. I really should be listening to the stewardess explaining how to survive in a horrible, burning crush, but I decided to update the journal instead.

By the way, don’t you just love the way they show how to use the emergency exits and all the survival tools on those small TV screens?

Imagine their crash scenario: sun is shining; pretty girls are using their whistles, while jumping happily off the gangways; hair blowing in the wind...

Yeah, that’s the way it’d go. Optimistic much?

Lyss.

P.S. The sky is beautiful.

News: Now we're on the "sunny" side

2008-03-01T11:45:40Z

We just changed our location, again. It was supposed to be a good change, but now that we’re freezing our asses off on the “sunny” island, we must reconsider the “good” part. We hope the weather will improve.

Peace.

Aly & Lyss

Q&A: Self-conscious

2008-02-28T00:16:45Z

"I'm starting to feel very self concious around people now. I'm starting to think that everyone is thinking I'm ugly, and I get really nervous around people now. Before I wasn't so self concious and I dont know why I'm like this. Last year I just changed and I dont know how. Is this just a phase?"

Okay, I don't know if it's just a phase, identity crisis, or a part of your personal growth, but here is a couple of important things you need to remember if you feel that way.

First of all, you are NOT ugly! I don't care how you look, but don't ever think that way about yourself, or you will attract more of these thoughts and feelings, which can be quite destructive. The second important thing is that everyone is too concerned about themselves to notice others' flaws, and, as a self-conscious person, you probably know it very well. Right now it may seem to you that the looks are very important, but it is not completely true.

Take for example some not very attractive, but pretty famous actor, who has a lot of different roles s/he plays very well. He or she may have a role of a loser, someone really boring or mean, and you really hate seeing that actor on the screen.

But then you see that person playing a totally different role in a great TV show that you like, where he or she is very witty, funny, strong, and charismatic. Now, when you see that person, you notice that you associate totally different, positive feelings and emotions with him/her, because the character you fell in love with made you see the actor in a totally different light.

It's pretty much the same in the real life. If you feel unpretty, insecure and scared in communication with people, they're going to sense it, because your behavior, your walk, the expression on your face, and the look in your eyes just wouldn't let you hide your insecurity.

But (!!!) the good thing is that you can change the role that you play in front of others. In any way, you are not sharing with others everything you have in you. There are some parts you want to hide, or show only to the ones you trust the most. But there are also the parts of your nature that you want to discover, explore, and show to everyone.

Maybe it's your wisdom, or courage, or something else that makes you special in your own eyes, but, in any case, you should learn to be proud of who you are. Allow your looks support your personality, but don't let them become more important than who you really are. Learn to feel self-confident and strong, whether you're alone or with someone. Choose who you want to be, and be it.

Lyss.

Ask us a question at Two City Girls advice column.

Q&A: Manipulative best friend

2008-02-27T21:56:37Z

"My best friend is very selfish and always takes advantage of me and i dont like it, and i have like no other friends anymore because i was always trying to please her (shes kinda high maintenence) and shes hard to talk to about this stuff because shell get all mad and defensive and wind up manipulating me to make me think that im the bad person, but really everyone tells me how shes bad and now she wants me to do drugs and get tattoos and other stuff that i dont think i wanna do... but i have no other friends..so what do i do."

You won't get very far if you're going to keep on following her orders and doing things she tells you to do. No one has a right to force you into doing something you dislike, and maybe she IS the reason why you don't have other friends after all.

If you don't want to do tattoos and drugs, then don't. Maybe tattoo is not the worst thing in the world, but don't forget that it may be quite painful to make it, and if one day you'll want it gone, it would be painful (yes, again) to remove it. And drugs, by the way, are just naturally destructive.

If your friend wants you to repeat every stupid step she makes, remind her that you can think for yourself, which, apparently, wasn't even considered in your relationship. I don't know if your friend is bad, selfish, or just lost, but try to explain to her that it is time for you to take responsibility for your own life, and if she still wants to be your friend, she has to stop trying to affect you and force you to do something that's just plain stupid.

Lyss.

Ask us a question at Two City Girls advice column.

ASAP by Aly

2008-02-27T18:29:28Z

Important things I need to do ASAP:

1. Finally visit a doctor and find out if I’m

a) in need of some medical attention
b) dying
or c) an idiot

2. Start doing yoga or Pilates to not get fat and depressed before my time.

3. Get a job (at least the “online” one) to feel less like a loser.

4. Get a hot tan.

5. Start learning Spanish.

6. Learn to hack into the Coke machines in case of extreme dehydration, and other life-danger situations.

Aly.

My Gothy Look

2008-02-24T20:32:47Z

Due to the fact that my image makes me look a little soft (which is a misunderstanding I’d love to clear), I seriously considered changing it.

Well, there’s no time like the present, I thought.

Right now I’m trying to decide if a slutty Goth is really “me”, or if I might be on the wrong track.

After putting on “some” dark eyeliner and smudgy beige-and-pink lipstick, I stood in front of a mirror, trying to make out through the haze of my eyelashes (yeah, there was also some mascara, as I recall) if I looked more like a Goth or a sad clown, which, as it turned out, totally depends on the facial expression.

Unfortunately, now that I took a better look at myself (maybe the mascara fog finally cleared up, or something), I realized that I do look more like a sad clown than a slutty Goth after all. Although, it might be a slutty clown, which sort of takes from the Gothiness and adds to the sadness.

Yeeaah… That might be not working exactly in my favor, as I just realized.

I’ll keep you posted.

Aly.

Q&A: Guys don't pay attention to me

2008-02-22T03:18:40Z

"I don't understand this...I'm already in the 9th grade...and ALL of my friends have boyfriends! What do guys look for in a girl? Because, to me, it looks like I don't have it. I'm NOT a pushover, I don't dress slutty, and I'm not flirty. Let's also say that "I'm not easy to "get to"". I don't know. I'm a VERY good student....and I get good grades....but this seems like somewhat of a turn off for guys. And those guys that are nerdy (but cute) too, still don't PAY attention to me! It's like I'm invisible...It's just not fair. ;_;"

Maybe you act or feel a little older than people of your age, and because of that it might be slightly difficult for you to find a boyfriend in your school. I, personally, didn't have a boyfriend when I was a teen, because I didn't feel like the guys of my age were right for me, so I didn't even like anyone then.

You said that boys don't pay you much attention, but you didn't say if you even like any of them. You know why romantic relationships that started in school come to an end after graduation? Because when you're in school, you are surrounded by people who are simply there. You don't choose your surrounding until you start your own, adult life.

People, teens in our case, get together because even if you're really young and might know very little about love, you still want someone by your side. If you don't have a boyfriend yet, don't get upset. It is not easy to find someone who will understand you and give you the attention you need. Even if ALL of your friends have boyfriends, it doesn't mean that they feel love for them, or being loved for that matter.

A lot of girls live from crush to crush, but if you are not one of them, it could simply mean that in your heart you are waiting for true love to come. It could take time, but some things are just worth waiting for. As it was said in one famous song lyrics, "listen to your heart". You definitely deserve something better than just a come-and-go school crush, if you feel that it is not for you.

Lyss.

Ask us a question at Two City Girls advice column.

Q&A: I thought I had a chance with him

2008-02-22T02:51:22Z

"Okay, well I really like this guy. Lets call him "Fred", Hah anyways. He's always flirting with me, but when I asked him out today, he said no. I thought I actually had a chance, because we've gone out before in October. Please help ."

Well, "no" means "no". If he doesn't want to go out with you, than maybe you should think of giving your attention to other boys. Try to figure out what it is that attracts you to him, and why do you think he is right for you. Maybe if he doesn't like you in "that" way, you can find the qualities you are most attracted to in someone who will feel "that" way about you after all?

Aly.

Karma Weel Stuckage

2008-02-21T01:09:08Z

Today, while my cat, pretending to be all cute and cuddly, was licking his butt in a dangerous closeness to my pancakes settled on the couch, I was seriously reconsidering the choices I have in life.

Recently I’ve been spending my days as uselessly as physically and mentally possible: getting up at 4 p.m; watching TV and staring at the computer screen a good bigger part of the day; doing all but being useful to myself or respectable society. Life just seems incredibly… empty these days.
Frozen, even.

What the hell happened to my Karma wheel? Is it stuck or something? Would it start moving if I, for example, got a job? “But I’m so laaazy!” my inner voice screams (that just almost makes me blush). And I’ve got no idea what to make of a career choice anyway. Sometimes I feel that all I’m good at is making naughty adult scenarios for the role play games I sometimes play in my mind. I’m not even talking movies here (special effects cost money, babe).

This just reminded me of another point in Karma Wheel stuckage… What’s up with that no handsomes, no sex life thing? Are my own private karma script writers on strike, or something? Great! So it was a global thing, huh? That’s so bloody dramatic…

Aly.

Bloggers United

2008-02-19T19:28:58Z

Bloggers United

Hey everyone. New community was created, called Bloggers United. It was made for the posting freaks and those who feel that blogging is their passion.

Join and enjoy, guys!

Aly & Lyss

http://community.livejournal.com/bloggersunited/

Out of the diary: "First night away"

2008-02-19T03:12:01Z

Summer, 2007

"I woke up in a dark hotel, feeling totally bereft and alone. It was strange, knowing that it’s already morning, yet seeing no sunlight coming from the windows. Must have something to do with the wall window was facing. Which instantly reminded me of all the things I had to face. Alone. Without anyone being there to support me. Damn, there are mornings when you really don’t feel like getting out of, albeit lonely, bed.

You ever noticed how our mood can be dictated by the perception we have at the moment? You feel cheery – everything seems bright and pretty; you feel despair – everything is painted black. Lack of hope can really take away all that is nice and joyful out of sight, and hide it somewhere you can’t reach unless you make some inner change.

I got out of bed, and went to grab a shower before going to breakfast. Going to breakfast meant facing people; facing people meant plastering on a smile, and that needed some rehearsal. I sighed. I knew I’d do it anyway."

Aly… or Lyss?

Most embarrassing moments (it’s ok, we laugh about it now) of the year

2008-02-18T22:01:45Z

Lyss, year 2007

When I went to

Malta

for studying, I had to live in a host family. Once, my "host-mummy" was really angry about something, and decided to take it out on me, by chastising me like a school girl for locking the door to my own bedroom. She totally ruined my mood starting from breakfast, and yelled at me in front of the other girls. Ridiculously, I even tried to pacify her (uh, couldn't I just move instead, or something?!), but it was no use; that day, her wrath was pointed toward the naughty little me.

"Bad Lassy, bad!

PMS be damned, I cried in my room for like 10 minutes. Lol, moron.

Aly, year 1998

In my early teen years, there was that guy I had a crush on, and in the summer we hung out together a lot. Well, once, on a summer day, of that very summer, we were joking and fooling around in my room. It was, like, pillow fighting, toys throwing, ridiculous sort of thing. Anyways, suddenly, he decided to grab me and turn me upside down by holding me by my legs. (For some reason, he did it often at the time.)

Anyways, it was rather inconvenient, so, to help myself up a little, I decided to grab his arm. Well, I mean I thought it was an arm. I swear to God, by the feel of its width, it truly felt like a real, honest-to-god arm. Then I looked up and saw what I was actually holding at the moment. It really. Really. Was not. An arm.

You want some advice boys? If you don't want your "junior" to be available to others, including the information about its state of peacefulness (or restlessness, for that matter), don't wear thin sports pants around people who might accidentally test the power of the boundaries of these very pants. Anyways, I think I gave my crush one of the first hottest moments of his newly pubartized (hmm… it's like baptized) life. He'd quickly put me down and ran out of the room though. I still wonder, where he went?..

Aly & Lyss

Q&A: I want to know if my husband raped my sister

2008-02-18T20:37:42Z

"I am 25 years old and i want to know if my husband raped my sister or someelse."

I'm sorry, but I cannot give you advice if I have no idea what this is about. Why do you suspect your husband of doing such a thing? Did he ever rape anyone before? What does your sister say about all this? Unfortunately, I can't give you any real help if I don't know what's going on, or why you believe your husband raped someone.

About your sister... If a woman claims she had been raped, there are ways to prove it, only you have to act fast. If the incident took place, and a woman contacted the authorities, or went to seek medical assistance after it happened, it is possible to prove that crime had occurred, and the identity of a person responsible.

Here's what I found on that topic:

"It is very important that rape victims seek emergency medical attention as soon as possible after their rape occurs. Rape victims should not wash or douche or in any way clean themselves after a rape has occurred and before they have had medical attention. This is because the rape victim's body is a crime scene which is likely to contain samples of the rapist's body fluids. In many cases, doctors can recover samples of these fluids which can later be used against the rapist in a court of law."

Maybe this information helped you a little, and if not, you can also try to get some counseling on the "outside", or the real world, so to speak.

Lyss.

Where you can find us

2008-02-17T20:12:37Z

Hey guys!

Congratulate us, now we're on MySpace, Advicenators and Yedda!

You can go directly to Yedda or Advicenators and ask for one or both of us to give you advice, or you can send us a private message from LJ or MySpace.

Our links:

http://aly-and-lyss.livejournal.com/

http://www.myspace.com/twocitygirls

http://yedda.com/two-city-girls

http://www.advicenators.com/Two_City_Girls

Aly & Lyss.

Q&A: Mom doesn’t approve of my friends

2008-02-17T16:29:55Z

"Awright, 16/f. Three of my friends and I are starting a band (ska/punk, if it matters), and we've got some huge plans for this. It's a common dream. Music brought us all together and all that stuff. Well, the only problems is that all of these friends are boys who are 19 or older and my mom either doesn't like them or hasn't met them. They're good guys and I know I'm completely safe around them, but I know that my mom wouldn't approve of them because they're punks. It's gotten to the point where I had to lie to be able to hang out with them, telling mom that i had different plans.

How can we make this band work if my mom decides she doesn't want me hanging out with the guys? Or how to I make it so she can meet them and approve without them having to change their tastes? PLease help!

Thanks,

-JJ Girl"

Try to explain to your mother that not everything is as it seems to be. Sometimes we narrow our vision by seeing only stereotypes instead of people. If your mom doesn't like guys you're hanging out with, try to let them know each other better in a way that would be comfortable for everyone. Maybe it's better to let your mom meet them one by one, so she wouldn't see them only as a group of punks.

Lyss.

The day most Romantique

2008-02-14T21:41:01Z

Happy Valentine’s Day folks! I hope you guys spent it better than I did, as in, not in the cold car on the wet chilly street. There’s no better day to be making Schengen Visa pictures than Valentines Day! Chill, traffic, snow – what’s not to like? The depressing lack of sex and, oh, a date, also added to the doom and gloom of the day, I guess. But hey, what’s it to us, optimists? I believe that I can make another Valentine’s Day even worse than today’s!

Wish me luck, snuggle bunnies!

Aly.

Q&A: Will it upset him if I measure it?

2008-02-14T04:04:23Z

"Hey....

This Question may be a bit crazy....

But guys... have u ever measured ur junior?... And would you find it insulting if the girl ur with wants to measure it?"

I think if he is proud of its size, then he'd be happy to let you measure it. If not... oh just do it while he's asleep!

In case he wakes up, just tell him you started going into a sculpting class, and you have to make a sculpture of your favorite thing in the house.

Like, "Everybody in my class already measured their stuff!"

Aly.

Way to go Apple, or thanks a lot my iPod!

2008-02-14T02:36:34Z

Since we’re talking books here, I have to say that thanks to Apple and iTunes, it’s practically impossible to read ebooks and other documents on iPod Touch.Of course true itouch fans manage to get around barriers and rules Apple is trying to force us to abide, because only true fans do what they can to get (and make) the best out of their iPods.

They lie and cheat, they're making programs Apple should have made, just to be able to use iPod and iPhone Touch with 100% satisfaction. They create such softwares like Installer and Books, and Anapod, and WinSCP, but iPod touch fights them fiercely.

You can download installer and install Books application, but you can’t send any documents from your PC to iTouch, because iTunes does not support document transfer, and iTouch won’t go into the Disc Mode, which makes it impossible to use Anapod for document (or any other for that matter) transfer.

Way to go Apple! No need to spoil your costumers by providing them with lame stuff like ability to read books, since they originally weren’t supposed to be intelligent for buying that brand crap.

Aly.

Succubus on top - Finally out!

2008-02-14T01:52:44Z

Whoo-hoo! Richelle Mead finally released the 2nd book of Georgina Kincaid series, called “Succubus on top”! I don’t have to point out that it makes me just unreasonably happy! Since I truly enjoyed reading the first book in that series, I greatly anticipate reading the new one, especially since I’ve already read the first (promo) chapter.

Now lets hope that there would be more books from Richelle, ‘cause she’s cherished by her fans. I found that even though “Succubus blues” had both, funny and angsty moments, the book as a whole can light up the mood for a good whole week. That is, of course, if you’re not reading it the way Ms. Kincaid reads her books. Personally, for me it’s quite impossible to read 5 pages a day just to draw out the book for as long as possible (lack of will power, you know?), but I will do my best to enjoy it properly. Wish the same for you!

Lyss.

Advice in Advance

2008-02-13T18:38:40Z

Hey friends.

I don’t wanna be bitchy (ok, maybe it's an overstatement), but why every girl who thinks she’s pregnant comes to LJ and starts asking if, after having unprotected sex, she could have gotten pregnant or not? Yes! The answer is yes! If you’re having unprotected sex with someone, you can consider yourself lucky if pregnancy is the only thing you’ve got.

Now go and buy a pregnancy test if you’re too scared to go to a doctor. Smart girls go to doctors anyway, but if you just can’t deal with it, buy a test. Oh, and since unprotected sex could lead to lots of things besides pregnancy, it would be wise to visit a doc to do a blood test anyway.

That was advice in advance.

Peace!

Early Pregnancy Symptoms

Aly

Q&A: Emotions

2008-02-13T18:35:27Z

"Has anyone else had a person close to them die and then all of a sudden your emotions are out of whack?

I mean, I am not a crier, but since my grandpa passed, I cry for no apparent reason and even doubly so if I have a reason."

GG/f

You could've been storing your negative emotions for a while, and then they just popped.

When my grandma died I almost didn't cry and didn't show much of emotion to anyone because I felt that I had to be strong for my mom. Then when some of her things were thrown out by mistake I got really angry, but still didn't say or do much. Then once, in the middle of the night, I just sat up suddenly and started to cry. It seemed totally out of nowhere, but I knew that it should've been expected, because I didn't let my feelings out for too long.

It might be the same with you. You don't just cry for no reason (there's always a reason for that) it's just hidden in your subconscious. Maybe you need to just "let it out", or visit a psychoanalyst to help you reveal what the main problem with your emotional state is, and what triggers you to break down. You need to find a source of your pain, figure out if there's something that feels unfinished or just wrong, and heal rather than seal your emotions.

Lyssa.

Q&A: She always makes me do things for her

2008-02-13T18:32:25Z

"Okay so I have a sister that is a couple years older then me and she is really nice but really bossy. She always makes me do things for her and i do them because I don't want her to not like me. It is getting really out of hand and I am like her SLAVE now. I feel like she is taking advantage of me but I don't know what to do, help!"

Try to talk to your sister and make her understand how you feel. The only person who can boss you around is *you*, because this life is originally yours. If you're afraid that she will stop liking you, remind yourself that she's your sister, and there's really nowhere to go from here. Family is family, and truth to be told, most (but not all) of the big sisters are like that.

The one thing that is also important to realize is that you are not helping her when you're doing things for her she could've done herself. Every person must be strong and independent, and Damsels In Distress are not survivor types anymore. Survive and succeed those who use their fears and other stumbling blocks as stepping stones.

So actually, what you've got to do is use your insecurity about what your sister (or anyone else for that matter) will think of you as a stepping stone, and let her know that you can choose your own behavior and make your own decisions, which, by the way, you wish for her as well. You can't always use someone's back when you're tired of walking.

Lyss.